Oh my GOD! It's 12:57!!!
Life beings at 21-
No one would ever let their children leave the house until they completed college. IT seems that anyone under the age of 21 in the 24 Universe is completely retard and lacks any modicum of common sense. They will merrily follow strange mountain men into their cabin of solitude. They will follow men dressed entirely in black, exiting a black utility van and carrying very large duffle bags into an airport. They’ll do just about anything to put themselves directly into the line of danger.
Who’s the blind rodent?-
Everyone everywhere would constantly wonder which person among them is secretly plotting to ruin everything. People at work would be wondering who is being paid by the competition to sabotage the project, deleting all the necessary files and cutting the power before you have a chance to hit save. Sport teams would have to wonder which one among them will grab the ball at an inopportune time and run in the opposite direction. We’re not just talking about people stabbing each other in the back. We’re talking about constantly trying to hash out who’s the mole, because they’re EVERYWHERE and could be ANYONE. The new guy, your lover, your wife, your best friend. Mole, mole, mole, mole. Eventually, job applications would have to be designed to specifically to hash out all potential moles. They’d contain questions like this:
Do you currently work for any of our competitors?
Have you ever worked for any of our competitors?
Is anyone giving you any money to take a job here?
Keeping the IT guy down-
OK, maybe this one is based on reality a little bit. If you work in the IT department in the 24 universe you are socially retarded and most likely very unpleasant to look at. Best case scenario: your mom is still willing to talk to you because outside of work, there’s no reason anyone else would. If you’re even remotely attractive, you either got the job because of your dad or you’re the mole.
Big Plus: NO TRAFFIC!!!-
The 24 Universe would be the greatest place in the world to commute. Need to get from downtown LA to Chatsworth in the middle of the day? No problem! That’ll be about a 20 minute drive. For a frame of reference, I used to live 15 minutes North of downtown and work 15 south of Chatsworth and my commute to work was 30 minutes in absolute peek conditions when the sun was out. The city planners in the 24 Universe have obviously come a very long way in highway design and traffic flow maintenance.
And you thought you hated insurance companies now-
Odds are pretty good that insurance rates everywhere in the United States are double to triple what they are in the regular universe, what with all the terrorist attacks. If Jack Bauer so much as visits your city, insurance rates instantly double. If you live in the same city as Jack Bauer and you actually manage to afford an insurance policy, you’re extremely wealthy. Also, odds are pretty good that you work for the insurance company and your job is to follow Jack around and process all the claims left in his wake. If you’re a close, personal friend of Jack Bauer, you are completely uninsurable.
Talk about watching the clock-
I think this would be the biggest thing you’d have to get used to. At about 10 minutes to the top of every hour of every day, you would have to brace yourself for mayhem. You just never know what could happen. The building your in could be taken over by terrorists, you could be driven right off the road by CTU agents on their way to something really important, you could discover that your cube mate is the mole. ANYTHING!!! You’d basically spend the first 45 minutes of every hour totally relaxed and calm, because, you know, nothing too major’s going to happen in the first 45 minutes. But then you’d have to start getting ready. Maybe call your insurance company to make sure you’ve still got coverage. Get in touch with loved ones to find out exactly where they are and what they’re doing. Best case scenario: an airport you’re nowhere near just got seized. The internet would crash every hour at 58 minutes past as people everywhere, once realizing they’re safe, would be hitting refresh on the home page of their news provider of choice to find out what catastrophe happened this hour. Worst case scenario: you’re a close and personal friend of some guy named Jack Bauer. Just seeing Jack Bauer walk down the street at 11:45 would be enough to cause pandemonium. People would be fleeing the area in droves. If you actually know the man, then odds are pretty good you own a bullet proof vest. And if you don’t, well, then you’re just waiting for your number to get called. You get accustomed to not taking any calls for the last 15 minutes and the first 5 minutes of every hour. You’re internal clock is probably so honed in, that at 55 minutes past every hour, you routinely find something to hide under.
UNRELATED SUPER BOWL THOUGHTS FOR THOSE THAT CARE:
There are 2 blogs that you must read: Chuck Klosterman and Nick Bakay. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed. Both are actually suitable for people that don’t give a damn about the game.